Small update

Hi guys,

I’ve noticed that this blog still gets a reasonable amount of traffic, even though i post very rarely. As it turns out, one of my posts on here is the first result on google when searching for certain search terms. Nothing bad of course, just surprising. They probably did not expect a story with a trans girl in it but oh well.

Anyway, as i’ve said, not a lot of posts here anymore besides hrt updates. I’ve been contemplating for a while where i want to go with this blog in the future. And to be honest, i don’t really know.

As of now, i’m working on my voice, so perhaps posts about that if you guys are interested. I also might do ‘story time’ posts where i post about something i experienced, either to do with trans or not. Or informational things like (trans) help guides perhaps? I like writing those things for different things.

I’m open to improvement and suggestions are greatly appreciated πŸ˜€



Progress report: measurements month 18

Click the next tab on the bottom of the screen for months 7 – 12 and for the difference between begin and 12 months, click the tab next to that.


Sadly enough, this is the first month where absolutely no measurements changed. I suppose because i’m already this far into my transition that measurements will only change in the future by losing/gaining weight or getting fit.

Diary entry #44 – Genital hair removal

laser deviceWarning: genital talk (nothing too gruesome though)

So last time i went to my hair removal clinic, i forgot to write a post about it. Now two weeks ago i had my second appointment, so i’ll write about that now before i forget it again.

First a bit of how it went last time. Safe to say it was an extremely painful and an uncomfortable experience. Its like facial hair removal but 10x as painful. As it turned out, i put way too little of the numbing cream on the area, which was the reason i endured ungodly amounts of pain there. Seriously, i was in tears while she was doing it. Anyway, enough talk about that experience.

Two weeks ago i went to the hair removal clinic again but this time i came prepared. I just thought ‘fuck it’ and put the whole tube of cream on the genital area. That might have sounded like a stupid idea, but i’ll tell you about that a little bit further. Anyway, i put the cream on and wrapped my genitals with plastic foil (as instructed by the clinic last time). As you can imagine, walking was a little awkward and tucking my genitals wasn’t even possible. Luckily a long shirt covering that area solved that problem.

So i arrived at the hair removal clinic and had to wait for a bit until the skin therapist (?) was ready. It’s always incredibly awkward undressing in front of a doctor. She was pleased to see most of the hairs already stopped growing.Β  When i touched my genitals i felt they were indeed numb this time. It kind of feels like your hand is sleeping, but this time it’s your genitals. So atleast i did something good this time. The doctor also asks every time whether i want to hold it myself or if she wants to do it (can’t do laser without a relatively flat surface). Even though i have genital dysphoria, i rather have me hold it myself than some doctor does. I would die of embarassment if she did.

The treatment itself is pretty much the same as with facial hair removal. Add cold gel -> laser away hairs -> take care of the red area (ice pack/creams). And afterwards your genitals hurt for a day or two (it’s manageable though). She also removed some of my facial hair again, even though i don’t have that much anymore. I will keep going until i see no more hairs grow there though.

So yeah, like 6 more appointments of that, painful or not.

Something entirely different



















So for the birthday of my oldest brother, i handmade a Nuka Cola Quantum bottle from the Fallout franchise (If any of you played the game, you’ll know what i mean). I thought it was pretty cool and just wanted to show off my craft :). ps: he liked it very much.

If you’re curious how i made it, shoot me a message.

A year in review

A bit of a late post, but better late then never. This post is about the things that happened in the past year (2015). It will be listed in chronological order.

Perhaps not as exciting of a list than the 2014 one, but i’m still pretty happy with the progress i made this year. My new year’s resolutions are pretty simple because there are only a couple. 1st get a good female voice, 2nd get a job, 3rd get healthier (more sport, better foods).

Now a few predictions for the future:

  • Begin 2016: have a job
  • Summer 2016: Have a passable female voice
  • October 2016: 2 years on hormones (not really a prediction but yeah)
  • End 2016: Be done with genital hair removal
  • Summer 2017: Have genital surgery.

That’s all i can think of right now. Happy New Year and I hope you guys stay with me for another year :D.

Diary entry #43 – Photoshoot

So first a little backstory. At college we have a certain project going on where you have to make your own (media) product with your group. Our project group is making a music app which of course i’d love to tell about but because the idea can be stolen i’d rather not until its finished.Β  Anyway, a group from another class had transgender people as their target group. So obviously since i was the only transgirl they knew at college i got invited for an interview. They just wanted to know some things about transgender people to get a grasp on what product they wanted to make.

Fast forward six weeks i got invited by that group for a photoshoot. They wanted to make inspirational posters with transgender people on it. Safe to say, i was pretty excited about it. My dad however warned me about that this could turn out badly for me because the poster could end up in places i would not want it to be. The group assured me it was just for college and nowhere else so finally i accepted the offer.

So yesterday i went to the studio where the photoshoot was going to take place. I have to say it was quite hard to find because i stood in front of a gate that wouldn’t open. The place was supposed to be behind that gate. So i pushed some buttons and waited till someone came to get me. One of the girls of the group came walking towards me and told me that the buzzer wasn’t very loud so she didn’t hear it the first few times. She took me inside and we walked towards the studio. It looked like pretty much any photoshoot studio, white background, lots of lights, some props and a very expensive camera. The photographer herself looked pretty young still.

After the first impressions the crew talked to me for a bit to get me comfortable with the idea of getting photographed. After reapplying some of my makeup i told the photographer i was ready. After a few photo’s she told me to put off my cardigan because she couldn’t see my collarbones which was a feature she liked. This wasn’t the first time someone told me they liked my collarbones, i’m not sure why people like it because i don’t think it’s a particularly feminine feature. Anyway, my posture had to be fairly neutral except i had to laugh/smile. After a hundred something photo’s she told me some more about what she noticed about me. Apparently i have a twinkle in my eyes when i laugh, the left side of my face is my best side and my forced laughs look natural. I’m not sure if the laughing thing is a good thing or not.

She must’ve taken over 300 photo’s before she found the perfect one of me laughing. I had a look at it and agreed that that one was probably the best. After i was done another transwoman came walking in. We shook hands and talked for a bit. She told me she was 61 years old and had been transitioning for 12 years. She didn’t look 61 to be honest. She did however totally not dress her age which was pretty obvious. She wore a jean-like skirt and a top that was obviously showing off her boobs. I think not dressing your age is one of the worst mistakes you can make if you want to pass as a woman but i digress. She also asked me if i wanted to be with her on a photo together. I accepted but i was obviously uncomfortable with it. She touched me a few times (don’t worry not on wrong places) which is not ok with me. I really don’t like being touched by people i don’t know.

The crew then wanted to know what quote i wanted to be next to the photo for on the poster. I said i liked “I’m just a girl like any other” as my quote. Might sound a bit dull, but it sounds a lot better and the point comes across more in Dutch. The subtext of that quote of course meaning that i want to be treated like any other girl. The crew liked it and thanked me for helping out with the photoshoot. I also asked if i could have some of the photo’s to which they told me they would send them to me in a few days. Before leaving they also gave me a box of choclates as a thank you gift. After saying everyone goodbye i went on my way home again.

I have to say, doing a photoshoot was pretty cool and an interesting experience. I know you guys would love to see the photo’s but i’ll just have to wait for a bit for the studio to send them to me. I’ll update this post with an image when i get them :p.

Diary entry #42 – Surgery consult

surgerySo two months ago my gender clinic told me i was eligible for surgery (SRS). Two days ago i had an appointment about that. First we had to be in a group meeting with other people so that the assistant surgeon could give us some general information about the surgery.Β  I was quite surprised by the amount of people that were there, there were only four other transwomen.

After a while the assistant surgeon started her presentation. First she was talking about how the male pelvis and female pelvis are different. This was important for us to know because she showed us where the neo-vagina was going to be. She also asked us to find a doctor that gives training of the muscles of the pelvis. The core muscles of the pelvis have to be strong so it holds everything together during the surgery or something.

Then she went on with the actual information about the neo-vagina. She showed us some pictures of the neo-vagina right out of surgery and after a year. To be honest, it does look a bit like a battlefield right out of surgery. The picture of a year after you wouldn’t even know that it was ever touched by a surgeon. So i was quite amazed by that. She went on telling us the risks along with pictures. It was a bit gruesome so i’ll save you guys the details, but the risk of complications is fairly high. And i’m not very amused that i can’t use my bicycle for three months after the surgery because apparently it hurts too much. So that means no surgery during the college summer vacation for me.

As she was done with the presentation she invited each of us in turn for a personal consult. Since three of us were still in the waiting room we started talking. I talked with a 17 year old transgirl who you wouldn’t even know was trans if she wasn’t at the gender clinic. But that’s the benefit of starting at 14 years old i guess.Β  We talked a bit about our lives and how to get a good womanly voice.

After a while it was my turn for the personal consult. I asked her some questions about recovery time, the waiting list and a couple of other things. It surprised me that the waiting list was only four weeks long. Anyway, she also wanted to do some measuring of my uhh… genitals. According to her i had more than enough “tissue” so that’s a good thing i guess. After measuring we were finished and she asked me to go to another part of the clinic (where the surgeries are done) to sort of set a surgery date. Due to college it’s going to be in summer 2017. I’m just not willing to risk going to college when it’s not fully healed, so i’m going to wait till i graduate. So save that date i guess :p.