Old memories #1 – Daydreaming

This is a series of old diary posts of mine that happened a few years ago. It’s kind of a look inside my head of when i was questioning, in denial and eventually accepting myself as transgender. The posts are in chronological order, unless stated otherwise. Note that these memories are not recent, i have accepted myself as transgender a long while ago.

Daydreaming – date unknown

I read on some website that daydreaming about your future life could help with these “gender related feelings”. So i closed my eyes and tried imagining myself as a young adult and older adult woman. As a result i got a happy and giddy feeling. When i did the same from the male point of view i got all sad and  i almost had to cry, so that’s something to add to the “I might actually be transgender” pile i guess. When i open my eyes and see my body again, these so called “gender related feelings” start playing up again and my head does some weird twitching, like it’s trying to get rid of these thoughts of being male. I’m quite sure males are not supposed to feel like their body is foreign to them, so am i not a male?

When i try to replicate these feelings of being happy but as a male, i just can’t do it, it just feels so fake. So the feelings i get when i think about being female are probably genuine.

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