Diary post #14 – “I have a daughter”

“I have a daughter”

mom of the yearMy mom always wanted to have a daughter. During pregnancy she didn’t want to know what gender i was because she was sure i was a girl. It felt different from the pregnancies of my two brothers, so i had to be a girl she said to me. Could my mother have felt the feminization of my brain in the womb? Perhaps. She was not wrong though, i am a girl, but just packaged a little different.

Now that i’ve come out to my mom for a while she wants to spend some quality mother-daughter time to make up for the lost years. I can imagine it must have been hard for her, being in our family of four males, without a way to share feelings and stuff with a daughter. That’s why she loves shopping and doing other girly things with me now i guess. Sometimes she just stares at me and i ask why she does that. “My little boy is slowly slipping away and becoming my daughter and that’s a wonderful thing to see” she often says.

I can kind of see why she says that. I look nothing like the pictures of me hanging around the house anymore. That guy in the pictures looks like he never was part of this family. As if some random guy just decided to join the family photo. I can’t see that i was ever this guy, but that makes sense i guess, since my gender dysphoria ensures that i have a disconnect with myself in pictures and in the mirror.

My mom gets so overjoyed when she gets to call me Naomi, lady, woman or daughter. A few days ago she met a friend from highschool. She told her “I have a daughter and two sons”. The woman was none the wiser because she didn’t know what children my mom has. While she was telling me that story yesterday she just lighted up and started smiling. It’s so sweet to see that.

I wonder how this will progress in the future. She already can’t wait to do stuff with my hair once it’s a little bit longer and my hair reminds her of her own mom’s hair. She also can’t wait till i go on hormones so we can start bra shopping. She’s so sweet for accepting and supporting me through all of this.

I love you mom.

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