When did you realize the term transgender referred to you?
I first heard of the term transgender when i was about nine years old. One day there was a documentary on tv about young transgender people. I saw some similarities between those people and me being mildly uncomfortable with myself, but i couldn’t quite imagine me being transgender back then.
In my mid teens i did a lot of “research” on the feelings i was having but it still didn’t really add up because i was looking for a narrative. It wasn’t until it suddenly hit me when i was 17. I was reading some stories on a transgender forum and it shocked me how much it resembled my own life. Like if someone somehow had a biography of my life. That was when i realized the term transgender referred to me.
Sadly, at that point my world came crashing down on me. I had more questions than answers. Why me? Why didn’t i notice this earlier? What do i do now? Being the ignorant teenager i was, i decided all that happened was null and void and didn’t mean anything. I could easily live the rest of my life as a male i thought. Even though i thought i was transgender, i tried my hardest to deny it. I promised myself one thing though, if it ever were to come this far again, i would do something about it.
And then i turned 20. The idea that i was living a lie became bigger and bigger. I’m stubborn as hell, but at that point i just couldn’t deny it anymore. Alright…alright.. i’m transgender i thought to myself. I finally came around that this term transgender referred to me and that it’s nothing to be afraid of. The rest is pretty much history, some of which you can already read on my blog about.