Today i went to one of my neighbors to talk about some stuff during some nice tea. Sounds boring right? right. That, of course wasn’t the real reason i was there. As you can probably guess now, i was there to do a little coming out.
A few days back she was asking if it was important what i had to tell. My mom told her it had nothing to do with her, but it was kinda important for me to tell. She had absolutely no idea what i was going to tell. It’s kinda funny that she thought about it, i only casually mentioned that i had something to say last week when we were there too.
Anyway, surprisingly i wasn’t that anxious, which is new because i usually am anxious when telling someone. I played with their kitten for a bit while she was making some tea. Their kitten has this weird habit of eating spiders and bullying the other neighbor’s cats. I saw him disappear somewhere in the garden, never to be seen again. It’s like he digged a hole in the ground where he can hide in. I am going off topic aren’t i? Alright i’ll continue with what you’re here for ;).
During a nice cup of tea we talked about some random stuff until she asked me what i wanted to tell her. I hesitated to talk so she said i didn’t have to tell it if i didn’t want to. I said it wasn’t anything to worry about and then i just said i was transgender. She was looking at me like she had seen a ghost or something. I was like, oh boy this is going to be bad. But she just didn’t know what transgender meant, hence the weird look on her face. I explained it to her and then she understood.
She asked me some questions about being trans like: since when had i been feeling this way, what did dysphoria feel like and what was going to change on hormones. She said it was cool of me to tell her this, even though we don’t see eachother that often (she’s not my next door neighbor). She told me that confidence is the most important thing when going through such a thing like transitioning. “If you are confident, you can conquer everything”. She also said that i shouldn’t care about what others think about me, it’s your life and others will just have to deal with it. She continued on that she had the same views on people who are “different” as my parents. “As long as they don’t hurt anybody, they can do whatever they want”.
She also said “as a mother, you hope your child is normal in every aspect, but if it turns out differently you should still love your child no matter what as they will give that love back to you. “If my child is happy, i’m happy too”. I think this is the attitude to strive for in today’s world and she worded it beautifully. She would have done the same if one of her kids was transgender too. It’s really cool that we share the same world view. She herself has a teenage daughter (15) and a son (8). She told me her son probably wouldn’t understand but she would tell her husband and her daughter that i was transgender if i wanted to. I was totally fine with that.
All in all, a very positive reaction and one more thing to strike off my therapist’s list.
Therapist gatekeeping list:
Tell one of your neighbors
- Meet/tell someone i knew from high school (in girlmode)
- More girlmode in my own town (preferably the more shady areas, discrimination here we go!)
- Go to a cinema/club/whatever other recreational situation in girlmode
- Preferably just go fulltime while i’m not even on hormones (this to get hormones, this really sounds backwards doesn’t it 😐 )
ps: there’s a lot more on that list