We had to get up early to pack our things because we had to leave the park at 10 o’clock. Just like the first day, leaving is just as stressful as going somewhere. Luckily we were done with time to spare and we checked multiple times if we missed anything. Because of lack of time and because of what happened the previous day i just decided to go in boymode.
So we drove away and continued for a few hours till we made a stop at a fast food place. I ordered a cheeseburger and they ordered some fries. I’ll have to tell ya, it was the most disgusting cheeseburger i’ve ever eaten. The cheese didn’t even look like cheese (it was all green and rubbery) and it had obscene amounts of sauce on it. Meanwhile my mom was getting angry because we only got half of what we ordered. If you didn’t know my mom, she goes great lengths when it comes to food or sales.
After a while we hit the road again and then there was a whole lot of nothing besides my mom and dad arguing why the air conditioning didn’t work. I slept for a bit in the back because i didn’t really sleep that well the past few days. After a few hours passed we came back home again.
Even though this is the worst vacation i’ve had the pleasure to experience, i did learn some things.
- Despite my efforts so far, i don’t pass that well as a girl (perhaps that was to be expected since i am pre-hormones)
- People in big cities don’t give a flying fuck about your appearance
- Children are staring assholes
- Older people don’t care or notice when you are in girlmode
- Young people do tend to notice
- According to my brother i sit and stand like a girl, but my walk needs improvement
- I need a different hairstyle, the one i have now isn’t working out in girlmode
- I bit off more than i could chew this vacation, i was not ready for this kind of confrontation yet
- I need to learn how to tuck, long shirts aren’t going to hide that bulge forever
- People are too polite to say anything about it even if they see it
- People don’t really care what toilet you go in if you are (or present as) a girl
- I need to step up my make up and clothing game
- I need to train my voice asap, using manvoice sucks
- My therapist is trying to prepare me for a life where i don’t or semi-pass as a girl, with all the staring and weird looks that come with it
Sadly enough i’ve been pretty depressed now that i’m back home because it was all just a bit too much for me to handle all at once. Currently i am not seeing how i could turn out well as a girl and i feel ugly. I hope my genetics when on hormones are at least willing to help a bit, as i already got dealt a shit hand by being trans. I’m sorry for the depressing tone in my posts lately but i just need some time to calm down and get back on my feet.