Since being transgender was now a possibility, i went on the internet to get more information about it. After a while i stumbled upon an english forum where being transgender was discussed pretty extensively. The stories the people told there came eerily close to my history with gender. Although i hardly ever posted there, i went by the name of Anne. I thought that was a nice girl name at the time.
After a while i somewhat accepted that i could be transgender. The next step would be telling my family, but i was extremely scared of what they would think about it. My dad and my brother always made jokes about gay people so that didn’t really help me get less scared. And what if they didn’t accept it and disowned me? I mean, i was only 17 years old with not a lot of money on my bank account, so i would have never survived without my parents.
Being transgender at high school wasn’t really one of the things i looked forward to either. I sure as hell didn’t want to be known as the “tranny freak” at high school and be excluded by everyone. And the rest of society, oh boy i absolutely feared what they would think of it.
Because of all these things working against me i only got more scared. That’s why i decided to not tell my family. I hoped these feelings would finally go away so badly. I did promise myself that i would really do something about it if these “gender feelings” ever came back this strong.