Life story part #20 – Scared

Since being transgender was now a possibility, i went on the internet to get more information about it. After a while i stumbled upon an english forum where being transgender was discussed pretty extensively. The stories the people told there came eerily close to my history with gender. Although i hardly ever posted there, i went by the name of Anne. I thought that was a nice girl name at the time.

After a while i somewhat accepted that i could be transgender. The next step would be telling my family, but i was extremely scared of what they would think about it. My dad and my brother always made jokes about gay people so that didn’t really help me get less scared. And what if they didn’t accept it and disowned me? I mean, i was only 17 years old with not a lot of money on my bank account, so i would have never survived without my parents.

Being transgender at high school wasn’t really one of the things i looked forward to either. I sure as hell didn’t want to be known as the “tranny freak” at high school and be excluded by everyone. And the rest of society, oh boy i absolutely feared what they would think of it.

Because of all these things working against me i only got more scared. That’s why i decided to not tell my family. I hoped these feelings would finally go away so badly. I did promise myself that i would really do something about it if these “gender feelings” ever came back this strong.

 

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Life story part #20 – Scared

  1. My heart goes out to you and my admiration.Growing up trans a long time ago i would have been physically harmed to say the least by my family. I grew to hate the real me for far too many years. Now at 56 i have been married for over 32 years have grown children and now am considering the very real possibility of becoming me and they say that being trans is a choice.

  2. That is one of the biggest fears is how people will accept the “real” us. There is that big possibility that they will reject us for telling them. But at the same time there is the possibility they will accept us and be happy that we are being “real”. Its a high risk gamble that we cannot undo once we let that secret out.

    Something that not only affects transgenders but everyone in general. We all have secrets and parts of our ourselves that don’t conform to the expectations of society or the people around us. So we hide them away and pretend to be someone we are not so we can fit in. One of the big problems in society in my opinion.

    I wish their was an easy answer or solution to this problem. We all have to face this at some time. We can only do it when we feel ready to do it. Regardless of the result we find out who does really care for us, because they are the ones that do not treat us any different because of it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s