Life story part #25 – Back with a vengeance

In the summer my family went on a vacation to Germany. Something triggered me on that vacation which made these “gender feelings” come back very strong. Was it because i couldn’t handle the jealousy i had of all the girls i saw in the city? Or perhaps it was because i was watching a documentary about gay acceptance and a transgender person was in it? I could not find a reason why it came back so strong all of a sudden. I couldn’t get it out of my head anymore either, my mind was filled with thoughts about being transgender. I even thought about what it would be like if i would have experienced this vacation if i were a girl. The idea of that made me happy but also sad because in reality i was a guy.

Near our vacation home there was a hill with some woods where supposedly “tree nymphs” lived. My dad and i went all the way up the hill. After that he put some rocks on a pile and said “make a wish, perhaps the tree nymphs will make it come true” in a laughing manner. I didn’t believe in fairy tales and myths, but you know, why the hell wouldn’t i make a wish. Silently i wished that i wanted to be a girl.


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