Progress report: Month 3 on HRT

Already 1/4th of a year on hormones!

26 december 2014

  • Nipples are incredibly sensitive

2 january 2015

  • My emotions are much more on the edge lately (i’m easier to get upset and start crying)

5 january 2015

  • For some reason i crave social interaction a lot more (pre-hrt i was pretty indifferent towards it)

11 january 2015

  • Crying a lot more often because i’m unsure about some parts of my transition

14 january 2015

  • Breasts have stopped growing 😦 (since the start of month 3)

19 january 2015

  • Some chest and armpit hair seems to have disappeared and/or gotten less coarse

20 january 2015

  • Lips seem to be fuller / more plump

21 january 2015

  • The way i walk has changed to how females normally walk; when i try to walk like a guy it reverts back to the girl walk within a few metres (this could have been caused by hip ligaments and center of balance changing).


Diary entry #32 – Endo checkup and some other things

needleBecause today i had been on hormones for three months, i had to go to my gender clinic to get a new prescription, blood test and let the endocrinologist remeasure some things.

As usual i was the first one there because the administration always seems to schedule me at the first appointment of the day. After checking in i got called by some woman who was supposed to be my endo, which was weird because i had a guy the last time. She told me that whichever endo had time just did it. As protocol goes i have to answer some questions every time like how much i drink alcohol/do drugs/smoke. After that was done she wanted to measure me to see if anything changed.

First up was my length. Apparently i shrank one centimeter (0,4 inches) which surprised me because i expected that to come much later in the timeline that is HRT. She went to measure my waist next and i also lost a few centimetres there. Of course she was also curious how big my breasts were so she held the tape measure against them. She told me i was about 2 centimetres away from a small A cup which was something i kind of expected with the growth i was seeing in the past months. Lastly, in the hip department there was nothing new to see, they were exactly the same measurements. I also had to weigh with my clothes on which was weird because i did it almost naked with the last endo. I thought to myself that would give wrong results, but she didn’t seem to mind when i asked about it. To finish things up she had to measure my  upper arm strength, which was down a couple of points compared to last time.

To my surprise this woman turned out not to be my endo, she just did the measuring part. So i had to wait in the waiting room again to get called by my endo. Once i got called and sat in the room i had to do the usual blah blah so she knew everything was fine and dandy. One thing she told me took me by surprise. According to her, my breasts are never going past a B cup, and even that was a long shot in some cases. I wasn’t too sure how to feel about that, it’s not that i want huge boobs or anything, but it would be nice if they were just the average size. Sadly, this wasn’t the worst news she had for me when she started reading from my blood test form (from the test i took 3 months ago). I have osteoporosis in my hips and my lower back, have a vitamin D deffiency, excercise way less than i should and that i need to eat and drink more dairy products.

When i looked at the vitamin D level i was kind of baffled, it was way under average so i might as well have been a vampire for the past three months. The testosterone surprised me in a good way. It was a little below the male average with a level of 24 (next blood test results will probably put me at a level of 0.5-1). The estrogen levels were also double the lower limit with a little above 100 which made me kinda happy to have as a starting point. Seemed like my body didn’t like me being a guy anyway so it gave me some leeway in the hormone department.

I also had an appointment scheduled with my therapist today but all we did is talk a bit about how i’m doing and we were done in 20 mins so i’ll save you the details. I also had to take a new blood test today so i went to the other side of the building to get it done. While waiting for my number to appear on the screen i was pretty anxious because i was afraid i would faint again during it like last time. Once it was my turn i jumped into the seat and said let’s get this over with because i just wanted it to be done as as fast as possible. I said i’d rather have she did my left arm but she couldnt find a good vein there so she took my right arm. After two and a half vials i was about to pass out and the blood also stopped drawing into the vial for some reason. The woman wasn’t sure why that happened so she went to get one of her colleagues. “I’ll take this one” she said. That sentence kind of made me cringe because of the way she said it. Apparently she didn’t like doing things slowly, she just stabbed that thing into my arm (at least that’s what it felt like, it wasn’t a little prick of a needle). She kept talking to me during drawing blood to keep me from fainting which worked pretty good actually. In the end i filled 8 vials. Last time i had to do 6 so i wonder where they’re going with this, do i need to do 10 next time? I mean i still have to get home without being a zombie.

Safe to say, i’m extremely tired right now and feel really slow because of the blood test. I’m amazed i actually still have the motivation and power to write this post. Anyway, i hope you enjoyed reading one of my newest ventures, as i haven’t been posting a lot lately.

Some interesting things…

I’ve been getting a lot of dreams lately, mostly about my past. That’s not too unusual of course, except that i was a girl in every single one of them. I’m pretty sure i wasn’t a girl back then, so it’s like my brain injected my girl self into past memories. Before i started taking hormones i was either vaguely male or genderless in my dreams. Interestingly enough, i am a girl with straight hair in my dreams while in real life i have wavy hair so that’s kind of odd. Perhaps it’s the image of what i see myself as in a few years, who knows.

And uhh… for some reason i want to have a boyfriend so fucking bad. It’s like my biological clock is telling me to settle down and get pregnant (which of course isn’t happening for obvious reasons). My craving for affection has been really crazy lately. I just want to cuddle with some guy and hold him in my arms. I also have a desire of wanting to be protected by a man.

Watching movies has also been a different experience. I feel more emotionally connected to women in movies. Whenever a cute couple shows up on screen i just melt away with a longing for the same thing. Also, things i see are more often labeled “cute” to me.

These changes came as a complete surprise to me.