Something odd and recent happenings

I went to college this week again because the third semester started. During this week i noticed something. For some reason, women seem to look at me much more often than before. I’m pretty sure it’s not confirmation bias because i’ve always looked at people a lot and they weren’t doing this.

The thing is, i can’t quite figure out why they’re doing this all of a sudden. As of now i still present in boymode to and from college (i will go fulltime in 2-3 months so don’t worry šŸ™‚ ) and only one thing has changed. I’ve been taking hormones. As far as i know my face hasn’t changed yet (well maybe a tiny bit) so they must be picking something up from somewhere else. While my breasts are noticeable through my vest if i move in some positions, i usually wear my coat over it so you can’t see them so i doubt they pick up from that either.

It’s like women have a sixth sense built in to spot other women, even women in transition. One girl i passed in college did a double take when she was looking at me. Like she wasn’t sure what she was looking at. As far as i know my boymode isn’t close to failing so i have no idea what they’re picking up on that essentially i’m a girl too. I know people see me differently than i see myself, but i’m just lost why this happens.

I believe my college class (which i haven’t told yet, will do soon though) is also noticing that there’s something different about me compared to 3 months ago (in which i did an internship so i didn’t see them). i know they’ve seen that i’m uncomfortable but they don’t know the reason why. The reason here of course is that its getting harder and harder for me to stay presenting as a guy. Emotionally it’s taking a toll on me so i’ll probably go fulltime sooner than later.

Eventually one guy did ask in private why i seemed to feel so down. I told him i was transgender because i just couldn’t muster the power to make up some fake story. According to him it made sense and thought it was pretty cool. He also offered to support me if i needed it so that was nice.

So yeah… i’m still trying to wrap my head around some of this stuff.

 

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2 thoughts on “Something odd and recent happenings

  1. I don’t know about other woman but I can say this much about myself. Its not that I can spot other woman it is just that I notice things. Sometimes something is not quite right to me so I stare trying to figure it out. Well that is assuming my focus is outward when around other people. Sometimes I focus inward and the zombie plague could happen and I wouldn’t notice šŸ˜› LOL

    But your restricting yourself to your physical appearance in trying to explain it. There is a lot more to it than that. Could be your facial expressions have changed. Even someone I don’t know personally I can tell a change because I see them everyday and a change in their overall facial expressions will grab my attention. Just the way you walk or the way you talk can be a tip off. All these things you normally don’t think about because they are automatic give some sign that something has changed for you. If I pick it up, not knowing the context of your situation, I will wonder about it.

    Now you think you because your transitioning to being a woman that is what I or others might be detecting. We don’t have a clue. We know something has changed just not sure what it means. If we knew we wouldn’t be wondering and definitely not stare because that is so rude. We are just trying to put some context to it so we know if your someone we should worry about as a danger, someone that may be hurting and needs our help or just something else all together.

    Just like you are trying to put some context to why we are staring at you. Has boymode failed? Are they seeing something that I am not considering? Are woman more akin to detecting other woman? Nope we are just like you trying to figure out what is different and finding an explanation for it so we can take action if needed just like you.

    Also sometimes we give ourselves away by the way we act. We know that we are transitioning and think everyone will notice the change because its different for us. That uneasy and nervous feeling we feel is what gives us away because that is what other people notice not the change. But if you go with the feeling that this is normal then we might not even notice because you seem at ease with yourself.

    I kinda rambled on here. But keep in mind that to you that seems the most logical explanation because you are transitioning it is not the only explanation why people may be looking at you more. After all we don’t have a clue what you are going through, just trying to make sense of the signs we do see like you are doing.

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