Progress report: measurements month 18

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1wb8kGWWGmt3HJpo_7PUiBviFdWlOzBoNlvJnJbSr2jE/edit?usp=sharing

Click the next tab on the bottom of the screen for months 7 – 12 and for the difference between begin and 12 months, click the tab next to that.

Changes

Sadly enough, this is the first month where absolutely no measurements changed. I suppose because i’m already this far into my transition that measurements will only change in the future by losing/gaining weight or getting fit.

A year in review

A bit of a late post, but better late then never. This post is about the things that happened in the past year (2015). It will be listed in chronological order.

Perhaps not as exciting of a list than the 2014 one, but i’m still pretty happy with the progress i made this year. My new year’s resolutions are pretty simple because there are only a couple. 1st get a good female voice, 2nd get a job, 3rd get healthier (more sport, better foods).

Now a few predictions for the future:

  • Begin 2016: have a job
  • Summer 2016: Have a passable female voice
  • October 2016: 2 years on hormones (not really a prediction but yeah)
  • End 2016: Be done with genital hair removal
  • Summer 2017: Have genital surgery.

That’s all i can think of right now. Happy New Year and I hope you guys stay with me for another year :D.

Attention from men

This summer i’ve been noticing that i’m getting more and more attention from men.      And i’m not sure if that’s in a good way.

Like last month, i walked by a restaurant and as i passed i got whistled at. I looked back to see who it was and saw a guy smiling at me. I was like, is this guy serious? I kind of felt uncomfortable so i just walked a little faster to get out of his vicinity.

And another time i was just sitting on a bench in a park and a guy passed me on his bike and said “bella” to me (which is beauty in italian). I wanted to say thanks back but i didn’t because i still kind of have a manly voice. Also when i was walking through Amsterdam two weeks ago, some guy was looking at me and when i noticed him he did that hand kiss thing (blowing an air kiss?) towards me.

And last week i had to get my new contact lenses. So i went on my bike and when i was locking it near the lens building i noticed two kind of fat men sitting across the street watching me. So i got inside, paid for my lenses and went outside again. The two guys were still following me with their eyes. As i unlocked my bike and wanted to go away again they waved at me and said goodbye. I totally didn’t know these men so i kind of did an awkward wave back. To be honest, i thought it was pretty creepy of them just watching me like that.

Oh and men suddenly hold doors for me and are generally nicer.

I’m not quite sure why men do this sort of flirtatious behaviour , i sure as hell didn’t do it back when i was still a dude. It’s not like i’m gonna walk towards them and ask them for their phone number or something. It just makes me uncomfortable when they do it and the chance that i’m actually gonna flirt back with some random guy is pretty much zero. The only thing i can imagine is that they just see a girl walking past them and they want to let her know that they like her or want to let her know she looks nice or something. Something like a compliment.

But anyway, it’s kind of confirming that guys actually see me as a girl. At least, that is until i open my mouth and start talking. It’s still pretty creepy though, and i think it takes some time for me to get used to attention from men.

Lack of posts…

Hey guys and gals, as you’ve probably noticed i haven’t been writing a lot on this blog anymore besides progress reports.  This is mostly because i am having an internship at a company and i often make 10 hour work days. So when i come home i’m pretty tired and don’t really have the willpower to post stuff on here.

But fear not! In two weeks i will be done with my internship and will be going to college again. Which means i’ll have more time to take care of this blog. I’m planning to post some of my voice work on here (my girlvoice) which i’ll hope you’ll enjoy. I think i got lucky that i have a voice coach at my internship who helps me with my voice (I intern at a radio/tv network). And maybe some smaller posts about stuff i bought, small things i did if you guys would like that. And of course, pictures of me! I won’t be hiding my appearance endlessly, i think i’m now comfortable enough to post more of myself.

So yeah, small update.

Tears of joy

I’ve been seeing a girl staring back at me in the mirror more and more lately. Just now i cried when i saw myself. I had tears running down my face and i couldn’t stop looking at my reflection. These weren’t tears of sadness, but tears of joy. Seeing the real me standing there after all those years gives me an unimaginable good feeling. It’s a feeling of incredible happiness and that everything is going to be alright. Like probably any other transperson, i sometimes have doubts about some things too (will i pass? will people accept me for who i am?). With hormones making me look more and more like a girl and seeing that girl in the mirror, these doubts are slowly fading away.

I’ve been way too hard on myself for the past few months. I need to start telling myself that it’s okay to make mistakes and that everything is going to be fine. Rome wasn’t built in a day after all.

Some interesting things…

I’ve been getting a lot of dreams lately, mostly about my past. That’s not too unusual of course, except that i was a girl in every single one of them. I’m pretty sure i wasn’t a girl back then, so it’s like my brain injected my girl self into past memories. Before i started taking hormones i was either vaguely male or genderless in my dreams. Interestingly enough, i am a girl with straight hair in my dreams while in real life i have wavy hair so that’s kind of odd. Perhaps it’s the image of what i see myself as in a few years, who knows.

And uhh… for some reason i want to have a boyfriend so fucking bad. It’s like my biological clock is telling me to settle down and get pregnant (which of course isn’t happening for obvious reasons). My craving for affection has been really crazy lately. I just want to cuddle with some guy and hold him in my arms. I also have a desire of wanting to be protected by a man.

Watching movies has also been a different experience. I feel more emotionally connected to women in movies. Whenever a cute couple shows up on screen i just melt away with a longing for the same thing. Also, things i see are more often labeled “cute” to me.

These changes came as a complete surprise to me.

A summary of happenings in 2014

In case you missed anything or are new to this blog and didn’t read everything ;).

In chronological order:

I hope next year is going to be just as great as this one and i wish a happy new year to all my followers!

About the life story

As you guys know, i’ve finished posting my life story. However, there are still memories i haven’t written about. At the time of writing my life story i decided not to include them as they were relatively small (except two). They do have some value to the understanding of me being transgender, so if you guys think that’s interesting to read about, i’ll start writing.

Ask me anything section

Just a heads up if you haven’t noticed the “ask me anything” section next to the home button. You can ask me pretty much anything there that you’re curious about. It is not restricted to followers only, people passing by can also comment if they want.