Questions related to the surgery

As mentioned in my previous post i said i would post the questions i asked the surgeon’s assistant. Also, this post is NSFW as there are some details regarding myself and the surgery.

Note: Surgeons from different countries could give different answers than she did during the consult. These questions were focused on the procedure in the Netherlands.

Q: After shaving the genital area my skin get’s irritated, is that going to be a problem for the surgery

A: Yes, damaged skin is not good before a surgery so let us do the shaving.

Q: When do i have to stop my hormones? And when can i start them again?

A: You have to stop your estrogen 3 weeks before and your anti-androgen 1 week before the surgery. You can resume hormones 2-3 weeks after the surgery.

Q: Is being allergic to dust particles going to be a problem for the surgery?

A: Generally speaking the resting rooms are very clean so you don’t have to worry about coughing or sneezing too much.

Q: Which degree of sensation can i expect after the surgery?

A: In the vaginal canal there is not a lot of sensation, but on the outside (clitoris) there is a lot of sensation.

Q: Which degree of self lubrication can i expect?

A: You can expect some degree of self lubrication, but usually external lube is needed. If you’re lucky you won’t need lube at all.

Q: What depth of the neo-vagina can i expect?

A: Depends on your penile length, but usually between 10-15 centimeters.

Q: What are the chances of getting complications?

A: 2-3% puncturing the colon, bleeding 85% (fairly normal),Β  tissue not healing well 20%.

Q: How much experience do the surgeons have?

A: Bouman 10 years, Buncamper 15 years, Ozer 4 years. It’s likely you will get Ozer because the others don’t do surgery that often anymore.

Q: Which parts of the penis will be used for which parts of the neo vagina?

A: Penile skin for the inside of the vaginal canal, scrotal skin on the outside, penis head for the clitoris.

Q: What happens to the erectile tissue?

A: We will leave as little as possible.

Q: What doesn’t get created with the neo-vagina that natal vagina’s do have?

A: [laughs], a womb. In all seriousness we will try to get it as close in structure and aesthetics to a biological woman as possible.

Q: Where is the scar going to be?

A: On your groin.

Q: At what location am i going to have the surgery?

A: In a hospital in Amsterdam (Amstelland).

Q: Where can i buy dilators?

At the clinic for 40 euro’s.

Q: How many times do i need to do the pelvic excercises?

A: You can do it twice a week. Breathing excercises you can do every day.

Q: Who do i call when i have complications?

A: You should call the plastic surgery section of the gender clinic.

Q: How do i know the anesthesia works on me?

A: [laughs], you don’t have to worry about that. If we don’t see you sleeping we will give you a different kind of anesthesia.

Q: Which degree of pain can i expect after the surgery?

A: In the first two days morphine might be used, after that pain killers. If you’re still in too much pain we will give you an injection.

Q: What clothes should i bring before/after the surgery?

A: Something loose/wide that you feel comfortable in. Don’t wear anything that exerts pressure on the groin.

Q: Are there other things i should have before/after the surgery?

A: Pads, lube, towels, dilators.

Q: What is the average recovery period?

A: 6 weeks to do your daily things and work, 3 months to be able to do everything again.

Q: Is there a possibility for a labiaplasty after the surgery?

A: I don’t know why you would need that but yes, we do give those.

Q: What activities do i have to stop before the surgery?

A: None, you can do everything you want up until one day before the surgery.

Q: When can i have sex/do other sexual acts?

A: The surgeon team’s opinion on this isΒ  that you should first explore your new genitals (after 3 months) and then you can have sex (unless it hurts, then wait).

I hope you guys learned something from this πŸ™‚

Diary entry #45 – surgery consult #2








So yeah, it’s been a while but…

A few days ago i went for the second round of the surgery consult because last time i was denied because i didn’t do hair removal on the genital area yet. So i went to the gender clinic in the morning and we (me and my mom) arrived way too early, so we had to wait. We had to be in a different section of the clinic this time as described in the letter but we still weren’t sure if we sat at the right place. Eventually my mom asked one of the receptionists if we were at the right place. Luckily we were.

So we sat down and waited until more people started coming in and for some reason all the other trans people sat at our table too who had the same appointment as me. I started talking to a girl there for a while until the surgeon’s assistant came to get us. First up was the group presentation where they would explain what to do before and after the surgery. She showed what procedures there were and how they were done (penile inversion and colon-vaginoplasty). After that we got to see some pictures of results. The pictures taken directly after the surgery weren’t nice to look at (bloody and bruised) but the pictures after one year looked pretty good and i would be happy to have it turn out like that. She went on to talk about complications, but most complications had a fairly low chance of happening, except stitches getting loose and some blood loss. She also told us where to get the dilators and i was kind of surprised we didn’t get them for free. There was also another woman in the room who did a presentation on pelvis (pelvic?) training. Apparently i have to train my pelvic floor muscles to relax so dilating is easier after the surgery.

After all the presentations were done, we all went into another waiting room to wait for individual meetings with the surgeon assistant. The pelvic training lady called me in first and led me into her office. She asked me a bunch of questions about if i was drinking (water) enough, pooping enough and peeing enough as too much or too less of that could be bad for the pelvic floor. She then asked me to undress to check my pelvic area and do some excercises. She mentioned that i could control my pelvic muscles but i could hardly put them in a relaxed state. Because i was unable to i need another appointment with her where she will teach me how to do it.

Then i went back to the waiting room and talked with the girl i met earlier. A bunch of things came up like how insurance always fucked over trans people and how the communication of the gender clinic could definitely be better. After some time passed, the surgeon’s assistant came to get me for the individual talk (it was the same woman i saw last time). We were allowed to ask questions about the surgery there. My mom went first as she had a shorter list of questions than i did. My mom asked some questions about if she needed to wash me or other things she could do when i can’t move around a lot. I had a lot of questions, but i’ll save those for another post on this blog. After she answered all my questions she checked my genital area to inspect if my hair removal was done correctly. Luckily it was all good so she put me on the waiting list. If everything goes as it’s supposed to go, i’m going to be getting my surgery somewhere in december this year. Yeah it’s a long time, but better late than never right? After that we were done at the gender clinic and we went home.

Small update

Hi guys,

I’ve noticed that this blog still gets a reasonable amount of traffic, even though i post very rarely. As it turns out, one of my posts on here is the first result on google when searching for certain search terms. Nothing bad of course, just surprising. They probably did not expect a story with a trans girl in it but oh well.

Anyway, as i’ve said, not a lot of posts here anymore besides hrt updates. I’ve been contemplating for a while where i want to go with this blog in the future. And to be honest, i don’t really know.

As of now, i’m working on my voice, so perhaps posts about that if you guys are interested. I also might do ‘story time’ posts where i post about something i experienced, either to do with trans or not. Or informational things like (trans) help guides perhaps? I like writing those things for different things.

I’m open to improvement and suggestions are greatly appreciated πŸ˜€



Progress report: measurements month 18

Click the next tab on the bottom of the screen for months 7 – 12 and for the difference between begin and 12 months, click the tab next to that.


Sadly enough, this is the first month where absolutely no measurements changed. I suppose because i’m already this far into my transition that measurements will only change in the future by losing/gaining weight or getting fit.

Diary entry #44 – Genital hair removal

laser deviceWarning: genital talk (nothing too gruesome though)

So last time i went to my hair removal clinic, i forgot to write a post about it. Now two weeks ago i had my second appointment, so i’ll write about that now before i forget it again.

First a bit of how it went last time. Safe to say it was an extremely painful and an uncomfortable experience. Its like facial hair removal but 10x as painful. As it turned out, i put way too little of the numbing cream on the area, which was the reason i endured ungodly amounts of pain there. Seriously, i was in tears while she was doing it. Anyway, enough talk about that experience.

Two weeks ago i went to the hair removal clinic again but this time i came prepared. I just thought ‘fuck it’ and put the whole tube of cream on the genital area. That might have sounded like a stupid idea, but i’ll tell you about that a little bit further. Anyway, i put the cream on and wrapped my genitals with plastic foil (as instructed by the clinic last time). As you can imagine, walking was a little awkward and tucking my genitals wasn’t even possible. Luckily a long shirt covering that area solved that problem.

So i arrived at the hair removal clinic and had to wait for a bit until the skin therapist (?) was ready. It’s always incredibly awkward undressing in front of a doctor. She was pleased to see most of the hairs already stopped growing.Β  When i touched my genitals i felt they were indeed numb this time. It kind of feels like your hand is sleeping, but this time it’s your genitals. So atleast i did something good this time. The doctor also asks every time whether i want to hold it myself or if she wants to do it (can’t do laser without a relatively flat surface). Even though i have genital dysphoria, i rather have me hold it myself than some doctor does. I would die of embarassment if she did.

The treatment itself is pretty much the same as with facial hair removal. Add cold gel -> laser away hairs -> take care of the red area (ice pack/creams). And afterwards your genitals hurt for a day or two (it’s manageable though). She also removed some of my facial hair again, even though i don’t have that much anymore. I will keep going until i see no more hairs grow there though.

So yeah, like 6 more appointments of that, painful or not.

A year in review

A bit of a late post, but better late then never. This post is about the things that happened in the past year (2015). It will be listed in chronological order.

Perhaps not as exciting of a list than the 2014 one, but i’m still pretty happy with the progress i made this year. My new year’s resolutions are pretty simple because there are only a couple. 1st get a good female voice, 2nd get a job, 3rd get healthier (more sport, better foods).

Now a few predictions for the future:

  • Begin 2016: have a job
  • Summer 2016: Have a passable female voice
  • October 2016: 2 years on hormones (not really a prediction but yeah)
  • End 2016: Be done with genital hair removal
  • Summer 2017: Have genital surgery.

That’s all i can think of right now. Happy New Year and I hope you guys stay with me for another year :D.

Diary entry #43 – Photoshoot

So first a little backstory. At college we have a certain project going on where you have to make your own (media) product with your group. Our project group is making a music app which of course i’d love to tell about but because the idea can be stolen i’d rather not until its finished.Β  Anyway, a group from another class had transgender people as their target group. So obviously since i was the only transgirl they knew at college i got invited for an interview. They just wanted to know some things about transgender people to get a grasp on what product they wanted to make.

Fast forward six weeks i got invited by that group for a photoshoot. They wanted to make inspirational posters with transgender people on it. Safe to say, i was pretty excited about it. My dad however warned me about that this could turn out badly for me because the poster could end up in places i would not want it to be. The group assured me it was just for college and nowhere else so finally i accepted the offer.

So yesterday i went to the studio where the photoshoot was going to take place. I have to say it was quite hard to find because i stood in front of a gate that wouldn’t open. The place was supposed to be behind that gate. So i pushed some buttons and waited till someone came to get me. One of the girls of the group came walking towards me and told me that the buzzer wasn’t very loud so she didn’t hear it the first few times. She took me inside and we walked towards the studio. It looked like pretty much any photoshoot studio, white background, lots of lights, some props and a very expensive camera. The photographer herself looked pretty young still.

After the first impressions the crew talked to me for a bit to get me comfortable with the idea of getting photographed. After reapplying some of my makeup i told the photographer i was ready. After a few photo’s she told me to put off my cardigan because she couldn’t see my collarbones which was a feature she liked. This wasn’t the first time someone told me they liked my collarbones, i’m not sure why people like it because i don’t think it’s a particularly feminine feature. Anyway, my posture had to be fairly neutral except i had to laugh/smile. After a hundred something photo’s she told me some more about what she noticed about me. Apparently i have a twinkle in my eyes when i laugh, the left side of my face is my best side and my forced laughs look natural. I’m not sure if the laughing thing is a good thing or not.

She must’ve taken over 300 photo’s before she found the perfect one of me laughing. I had a look at it and agreed that that one was probably the best. After i was done another transwoman came walking in. We shook hands and talked for a bit. She told me she was 61 years old and had been transitioning for 12 years. She didn’t look 61 to be honest. She did however totally not dress her age which was pretty obvious. She wore a jean-like skirt and a top that was obviously showing off her boobs. I think not dressing your age is one of the worst mistakes you can make if you want to pass as a woman but i digress. She also asked me if i wanted to be with her on a photo together. I accepted but i was obviously uncomfortable with it. She touched me a few times (don’t worry not on wrong places) which is not ok with me. I really don’t like being touched by people i don’t know.

The crew then wanted to know what quote i wanted to be next to the photo for on the poster. I said i liked “I’m just a girl like any other” as my quote. Might sound a bit dull, but it sounds a lot better and the point comes across more in Dutch. The subtext of that quote of course meaning that i want to be treated like any other girl. The crew liked it and thanked me for helping out with the photoshoot. I also asked if i could have some of the photo’s to which they told me they would send them to me in a few days. Before leaving they also gave me a box of choclates as a thank you gift. After saying everyone goodbye i went on my way home again.

I have to say, doing a photoshoot was pretty cool and an interesting experience. I know you guys would love to see the photo’s but i’ll just have to wait for a bit for the studio to send them to me. I’ll update this post with an image when i get them :p.