Diary entry #34 – To grandma’s house we go

DSC05771Today i went to my grandma. Well, she’s not actually my grandma, shes my aunt’s mom but she considers us her grandchildren and we her as grandmother since our own grandma’s on both sides died a long time ago. How this came to be is kind of a long story, so i’ll save that for you guys at a different time ;).

Anyway, our “grandma” had no idea i had become a girl until like a week ago when my aunt told her. According to my aunt she was quite shocked and cried a lot because of it. So my mom thought it would be a good idea to visit her to see how she was doing and for her to see how i was doing. It was about an hour drive to her house.

Once there, anxiety did hit me a little because i had no idea how she would react to me as a girl. She was religious after all. She opened the door and greeted everyone and kissed them on the cheeks three times (which is a cultural thing in Europe). I was the last person to step into the hallway and she just hugged me really tightly and i saw her trying to keep herself from crying. She kept repeating “Oh my little girl” while she held me tightly in her hands and kissed me on the cheek. Mind you, she had red lipstick on, so when she was done my cheek was full of kiss-like red spots. She also mentioned that i looked just like any other girl. I was kind of happy to hear that acknowledgement.

One thing i noticed though, that she already adressed me as Naomi and used female pronouns when i came in. Nobody i ever told i was transgender did that right away, but she did. So we took a seat and she asked what we wanted to drink. My family doesn’t drink coffee, so tea it was. She said to me that she bought a little present for me. I wondered as to what it could be before she handed me the bag with the present in it. It was a long green and yellow scarf! I didn’t expect that all and she also told me there was a letter in there from her that i should read when i was back home. I said that it was really sweet of her to do this for me. She smiled at me and took a seat.

After a while i had to go to the bathroom. While i was doing my offering to the toilet gods, i overheard my grandma talking about me with my parents. Nothing bad was said of course, but apparently she was scared to talk to me directly about it. During our stay she told a lot of stories about her life and how she thought about some things in society. It seemed my grandma is pretty realistic when it comes to life. She doesn’t fear death, she’s 89 years old and she says when she has to go she has to go. She even had a “do not resuscitate” tag hanging around her neck.

When we were ready to go home again my mom opted to make some photo’s with my grandma. So we took a few and i actually saw a photo that i kind of looked good in. As we were trying to leave she said to me that she thought it was a good thing i found out what i was struggling with all my life and that she liked me as a girl. If i ever needed a place to sleep, i was always welcome. She hugged and kissed me again and we headed for the car. She waved us goodbye and off we went.

Once i was home again i read her letter. She wrote that it did take a while for her to accept the fact that i was no longer a boy. That she knew the hardships i would face in life and that she wished me the best to overcome them. And lastly that she hoped that i would blossom into a beautiful woman and have a good life.

I would have never expected her to react this way and it is super sweet of her to accept me as just another girl in the family.

5 thoughts on “Diary entry #34 – To grandma’s house we go

  1. That was so sweet of her to treat you like a girl from the start. To be accepted like that from the moment you enter the house and not be treated with usual awkwardness must of been so wonderful. I am so happy for you 🙂 Looking forward to seeing the photo of you with this wonderful woman 🙂

    • Thanks. I was actually quite hesitant to post the photo because i’m really unsure about my appearance. When i see myself in the mirror i see every bit of masculinity i have left in me. It’s still somewhat hard to grasp that people that don’t know me see me differently than i do. Which also makes me think that i don’t look good, until i can see it myself. I’m stubborn like that.

      • Just being a person than stubborn. I am overly critical of my appearance because I know the faults and imperfection. Someone who doesn’t know me may not see them at all. Just a part of being human 🙂

  2. Pingback: A year in review | Naominizer

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